I suspect that I will not see him until Monday

So seeing that H told me he had stuff set up through Sunday, I suspect he will not be home until late Monday.  I was thinking the last time I was happy was during my affair.  It was not a truly honest happy, but it felt like it.  I felt loved and desired, cherished, wanted.  I don't see that happening again. It was wrong, I realize now why I did it but it did not solve the problem.  I was not whisked off by a knight in a shiny sports car, rescued from my life of hurt.  The hurt was still there.