One simple letter

One letter will be easy to write.  It will be to my dad if he is still alive.  I have chosen not to speak to him for at least 2 years.  My life has been a bit better since then but it is still full of pain.  My mother passed 10 years ago and I am still torn wheather or not she knew and ignored it.  I am still angry today that she stayed with my dad, made him go talk to a priest, and took me for counseling.  Of course I was 14, maybe 15 so after I was done my mom would go in for a few minutes and get the scoop.  I never was fully open, I put on my fake happy face as I have done often, well and continue to do.

So the letter....

It is your fault.  It is because of what you did to me that I was in so much pain that I took my life.  You took my childhood, my self esteem, my ability to see my self worth.  I wish I was stronger and more independent and would have left at 18 and never looked back.  The main reason I did not was my 13 year old sister, who had attempted suicide in the past year.  I knew that if I would have left, so would she.  Don't be sad that I am gone as I had purposely pushed you out of my life.  Feel guilt, feel anguish at the pain you caused the entire family.  Know that you ruined me, and as I will have asked for forgiveness for my act being the only thing that would stop my pain, I will also ask that a just God  will not hear any claims you make of being repentant as if you truly were, you would not have inflicted the pain on my sister after I finally spoke out.  You are evil and I hope that even if you only live to take one breath more than me you have the chance to feel the pain that I have felt.

Now while I understand that this will not work if he dies before me, and he is sick so he may..... I will not mourn and if I attend, it will be to get the proof that this evil is gone from the earth and will longer share the same air and sunshine of those that I love.